How to Bullshit a Paper: Your Road from an Empty Page to an Impressive Essay

While doing your homework may never be a piece of cake, writing a paper on short notice is twice as stressful. You will inevitably get bored and start procrastinating if the only thing you know about your essay is that you have to submit it tomorrow. When you end up in a situation like this, you would certainly like to know how to bullshit a paper or, in other words, how to compose an acceptable piece of writing fast. And we can tell you for sure that this is a realistic possibility, even if you are just a beginner.

how to bullshit a paper

Fast writing is the art of finding interest in your own paper. You don’t need to know the topic perfectly or to include multiple sources in a single essay. You can do well enough with what you know already. For now, we recommend that you concentrate on the general idea and underlying details, and then find a method of conveying them consistently to your reader. This way, you can still write fast and not sacrifice the quality of your paper.

How to bullshit an essay overnight—your game plan

Now, the important thing is to prepare to take on your essay immediately and actually finish it as fast as you expect. Grab some high-calorie snacks and make a coffee if it helps you to concentrate. Close all your social media tabs and collect all the resources you may need to get this essay done. Check out the publications required by your professor first and then find a couple of extra sources. Focus on acquiring whatever kinds of information you still lack. Then, look through the publications quickly in order not to waste your time on processing data.

Try not to let yourself be distracted by anything—the faster you’re done with this essay, the faster you can move on to more pleasant activities.

Step 1: Decide which ideas to take

Once you have read through the materials, you can decide which points to bring into the essay. Think of what’s most relevant to your topic and which ideas resonate with your own vision. Don’t try to cover everything at once—just structure the information in your head and use some of it in your writing. Highlight the important sections of the source as you read them so that they can be quickly found and combined in your essay.

Sometimes it’s possible to transform even the most boring topic into an interesting piece, and you can try doing it right now. In the first place, build your essay so that it makes sense to you. Keep your language simple and avoid overly complex scientific vocabulary. Be friendly with your essay and, by extension, with your reader. This way, you will be able to break through your writer’s block and just put down the ideas that need to be said.

Step 2: Introduce your subject

Now that you’ve decided what to express in your paper, start it with an introduction. Stick to the classical 3-part structure of an academic assignment, and tell readers what the essay will be about. Remember that you aren’t simply writing an introduction for the sake of the word count. If you’ve picked your own topic for this essay, you can say why it is important to you. In case you’re writing about some well-known issue, describe what’s new in the field or why it’s worth addressing for the millionth time. Any topic can be made interesting, so tell your readers in what way yours is special.

Keep your introduction short but make sure it’s meaningful. Indicate how your reader can benefit from reading this essay. Perhaps you will include some new information, or your essay will reveal an alternative solution to an old problem. Don’t be afraid to get a bit revolutionary when writing your paper, because your point of view actually matters here.

Step 3: Lay out your ideas one by one

Being consistent is the path to getting a high grade on your essay. First, it’s pleasant to read ideas that are listed in a logical manner, and second, it’s much faster to write your essay this way. A thesis focused strategy will save you from adding irrelevant details just to pump up the word count. Moreover, it will help you show factual information on your topic. Make a separate paragraph for each idea you present to make your points clear. If you need more words, pick a few additional ideas and find places to integrate them naturally. Try to keep your paragraphs short and meaningful rather than add extra sentences just to fill the space on the page. You will find that consistent writing is faster than typing up whatever’s on your mind, and obviously, it’s also more helpful if you need a high grade on the essay.

Step 4: Draw a short conclusion on what you’ve said

Hopefully, giving only the most important information in each paragraph did not take much time, and now you’ve come to the point of making a conclusion. Here, you can summarize your thoughts and lead the reader to the crux of why your thesis is important. In an essay, you can make the conclusion a bit more conversational than the body. Describe how your ideas can influence the situation and what more can be done to get the desired results.

A final word on writing last-minute essays

If you don’t usually write much, you may believe that fast writing is a superpower. In fact, it hardly takes any bullshit at all to bullshit your essay. By merely creating a clear structure and following it in each paragraph, you will avoid the recurring question “What should I write next?” Keeping your essay concise is almost a guarantee that your teacher will get the most out of your writing and will appreciate your line of reasoning. Creating a good essay is not about citing a lot of smart books. It is about making your own point and bringing intelligent arguments to support it. In most cases, you don’t even require extra information to write a fine essay and do it fast. If you are pressed for time, try to use what you already know, or read brief articles to learn more. Then just sit down and write. That’s the only way to get things done fast.

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